I have been lost, not in the sense of maps or placements and home, but lost within the self. Sometimes treading water, sometimes drowning in the dark depths. The biggest question that I ask myself is "Where am I going?" I am a mother to two very different children. The sense of future is vast for them, mountains can be moved with inspiration, dedication, and kindness. But within the daily steps towards a child's adulthood, the adult, had hit a wall. That vast future that I had known in my younger years was suddenly so narrow, within my own mind, that I didn't even have room to stretch my chin in a new direction. And then Covid. So now where do I stand? In an uncertain world with an uncertain mind, trying so hard to revitalize a person who no longer exists. My solution, start smashing the walls within my mind. The past is done, still influencing, but never changing. Step 1: get out into the world again. So, Hello, I'm back. Slightly begrudgingly, but willing to take the small steps needed to create and move forward. The steps needed to expand my direction and open the doors to a new sense of self. I know that this will begin with speaking to an empty room, but that emptiness will be the sounding board that will shape the conversations down the road. Because that is all I really want, conversation. Conversations shaped from a split moment in time captured and shared that contain a thousand unspoken words.
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